We Don’t Get Scrooged Again

If you are reading this, you are probably a student. And if you are a student, you probably know that one of the last things you hope you will be needing in your Christmas stocking is timely and professional help from Bookwormlab.com — or anyone else — in writing a term paper, book report, Master’s thesis, or — Jacob Marley forbid — a Ph.D. thesis. Your teachers and the school administrators are people too (it seems) and they’ve got their own elves to deal with — some of them as old as you. Hey, they’ve got their priorities. And as far as that goes, so do you. (If you’ve forgotten what they are, check your pocketbook.)

Synonyms for our Season

We’re going to get right to the point: Deep in December, the entire term-paper market (in alphabetical order): aborts, backslides, breaks down, buys the farm, comes a cropper, comes to naught, crashes, decamps, deteriorates, dies, disappears, eclipses, expires, fizzles, flatlines, flops, flounders, gets lost, goes astray, goes on the lam, goes west, hits the road, hits the skids, lays an egg, makes like Jimmy Hoffa, miscarries, pratfalls, pulls a fade, shows its heels, skips town, sleeps with the fishes, snoozes, splits, stumbles, runs aground, takes a fall, takes a powder, and takes to the sky. And then it vanishes. And it won’t come back no more no more until you’ve gotten over your New Year’s Eve excess cheer — or at least until your instructors have gotten over theirs. (Back when the Super Bowl was played in January, it didn’t come back until after that.) We ask you: what are our writers to do? Just think of them, their faces pressed against the frosty window-panes of our Florida office. So many shivering Bob Cratchits. So many hungry Tiny Tims. Each huddled around a candle flickering on their iPads.

You wouldn’t consign them to an empty inbox, would you?

Well, of course not! So wipe that tear away, because here at Bookwormlab.com, we are all getting ready to pull ourselves up by our stylish-yet-functional Santa Claus–mode coal-black knee-high boot-straps to provide you with a way to brighten both your season and ours. And so now with a mighty heave [Memo to staff: put the boots on first] Bookwormlab.com announces that: Knock-Knock Boots now firmly on our feet, this month we will be kicking down our writers’ doors, walking in unannounced, and taking a shelf-vandalizing survey of all their reading material. “Have a five-page report on all of these books written by next Tuesday, or else,” we’ll say, slapping our palm with a nightstick.

Wait a minute — that’s the ghost of Christmas future.

For the present, we’ll just politely email them and ask if they would like to provide a list of whatever books they might be willing to do an Xmas-season report on. Then we’ll post the list on our website blog at bookwormlab.com. See a title you like? Grab it while you can! As advertised, you’ll get it twenty percent off our list price when you do. And here’s the coupon code combination for you again: Xmas20. And that’s our gift from us to you!